Grief is a funny thing.

Jeremiah 29:11 NIV
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Grief is a funny thing. You can think that you are doing just fine. Choose to ignore any reminders, or maybe your whole mind and heart just goes numb for awhile. No matter how much time has passed it will always effect you. There will always be lingering feelings of pain, loss, emptiness. There's a fog that rolls in and settles right in the middle of your day, week, month or year. 

Usually it's the whole month of July for me. This time it started Wednesday {7/3} night. I started having anxiety before falling asleep. I just started to dread the day. The next day was just a sad day, just on the verge of tears all day. We went to the store to pick out his presents to send back home to put on his grave. {It kills me that I can't do it myself} But I couldn't very well sit there and start bawling in Target, so I kept it in. We did our holiday stuff, went and saw fireworks etc. 

I always get irritable, moody. Everything and everyone annoys me. I end up going M.I.A for awhile so that it's better for everyone. So we seclude ourselves from the world for a short time. I had the brilliant idea of jam packing our weekend with stuff to do. After all the hubs just came back from school a couple weeks ago and we've barely had time together. So we did fireworks, carnival, drive-in. I decided to do something different this year and do something fun that he would've wanted to do. So we went to an indoor waterpark. We did have fun. Riley really had fun. I had to fight through it the whole time. I was completely drained. 

Now here we are here the day has finally come.  His 6th birthday. I'm still feeling the fog and being anti-social. But now I am trying to distract myself with projects. Cleaning, organizing, window shopping, tv, movies.. anything.. Give me any kind of distractions!
 

....and that is why grief is a funny thing. It controls you without you even realizing it. Grief is the boss, I just work here. Sad.

I found these to help:

I am feeble and utterly crushed; I groan in anguish of heart. All my longings lie open before you, O Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you. I wait for you, O LORD; you will answer, O Lord my God.  Psalm 38:8-9,15


The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.   Psalm 34:18


Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh.  Luke 6:21


…weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.  Psalm 30:5


“As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you,” says the Lord.  Isaiah 66:13


I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.  Isaiah 42:16

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