Now in the past I’ve discussed toxic friendships. But we have never gotten into ghosting, or being ghosted.
It’s something that I half understand and half don’t understand. Why a friend will just up and not talk to you anymore without a word or explanation. They just disappear into the night. What do you do with that?
Do you confront the issue, show up at their door? Do you let it go and move on?
What if you are an over thinker and it keeps you up at night wondering what you did wrong but are paralyzed on how to fix it. No matter how you deal with it ghosting can hurt. More than a first date situation. You have spent so much time and so many months or even years into a friendship only to have it gone with no word. That hurts! I’m not saying it doesn’t. I don’t have all the answers this is just an observation post. I have had a few friendships that ended this way. If that’s what you even want to call it. There is a grieving process. Something important to you ended abruptly.
They say not all friendships are meant to last. But you can’t help but take it a little personally.
I’ve been an army wife for 16 years now. I’m used to starting in a new place for a couple of years or less only to move again and say goodbye to those friendships.
I used to be really hurt when friends wouldn’t stay in touch. But now I feel grateful when I have those 1-2 friends that still stay in contact with me from each duty station. I’ve always cared a lot (maybe too much or too deeply at times). So, I always felt like I wasn’t important enough to that person. That’s a lie! I believe now the real friends are the ones that will push through those army moves and stay true as a friend.
I know I am probably guilty of this. I will admit I am really good at cutting people out of my life sometimes. You pair that with my loathing of confrontation. It can seem like I don't care. I do care! I'm not sure thats everyones reasoning for ghosting. Sometimes the ball has been in someone else's court and they just missed their turn and I didn't reach out. Regardless of who's "fault" it might be. The reality of it is then too much time has passed and no one wants to be "that" person to reach out first. No one wants to admit anything. No one wants to have those hard conversations. Unfortunately, the hard conversations are what makes us adults. But who wants to be that right?
If you change your perspective on friendships then it might hurt a little less. There's a season in your life where you have certain friendships. You can grow apart or it can be a toxic situation. All friendships though are something we can learn from. Whether it's a lesson of who we don't want to be. Lessons of what you want out of a friendship. Life lessons that they can teach you from their own experiences.
What's that saying? "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." - Dr Seuss
